As you might imagine, there are a million thoughts running through my head… mostly
about the futility of the world. The
suffering and the hopes and dreams and wasted love.
Love that is never expressed and never realized. Why I’m even bothering to write this,
especially to you.
And I think about the millions of justifications and evidences I have
about the state of my existence and the reasons for my failures and the suffering
I’ve endured. I look at all of the
people who claim their callings and proceed on their campaigns to save the world, and I
see the flaws in their thinking and the reasons for their ineffectiveness.
While I admire their courage, what I see most often is the futility
of their actions, because what they believe they are offering is an answer, maybe part of
an answer, but in a way, it’s really more an expression for their own
self-fulfillment of what makes them feel special and important in the world. People are
funny. They say they want a world that works, relationships that work, someone to lead
them and the feeling of hope. And, so they begin to do whatever they believe
they are called to do, and stop at the point when they’ve accomplished materialistic
goals and feel comfortable.
When I first went to a course at Landmark, it did me a lot of good.
But, what it did most was confirm what I had discovered and written about… I had
already spent many years developing courses and ideas and philosophies that I could share
with the world about being and domination and submission and fulfillment… so when I
finished the Forum, I went to talk to one of the leaders there, and told them that I
believed I could be someone to help source what they were teaching. That was my biggest mistake in that organization. Because they were certain they had all the
answers, that they knew what people needed, that they were the saviors of the world. And it wasn’t like I was assertive and
aggressive about it. I simply talked about
what I saw, what I knew and what I believed about the possibilities of the future, like a
conversation.
To me, it’s like Leon Russell’s “Could it be the
Prince of Peace Returning”. Despite all
of the supposed enlightenment and wisdom of these people, they couldn’t for 1 minute
consider that what I had to say, that what I had to offer could possibly be anything more
than a personal quest for power, an expression of arrogance, a desire to be important and
to be the leader of something I had not worked to earn.
And these are the people in the world who believe they have been
sanctioned by God to deliver into the world the possibility of possibility. After Werner Ehrhardt left the organization, it
all became about building courses that would sell and give them retirement programs and
greater earnings. The inquiry into what it
meant to be human was lost. And they became
like every other profit based business. Their
message was lost because they were no longer able to be the principles they claimed
everyone else needed to be.
It’s all part of the corruption that causes people to give up
their discipline, their walk with God, because they give a little and see a result and
believe they have done their share. And then,
they surrender their purpose to others who seek self-empowerment and money and glory, and
then they sit and wait and hope and pray that God will deliver them.
And after that, they settle into the same mundane existence that
caused the condition they thought they had remedied.
And so the world has been a perpetuation of
efforts corrupted by the trappings of the world and self-engrandisement. And, just like what Lynn was doing with Results,
they certainly had their victories and had a lot to be proud of, but they claimed what
they were doing would end poverty.. and for every victory thay had 3 defeats. And every legislative victory resulted in 3 more
disenfranchisements of what they had won.. 1 step forward, 3 steps back.
And their illusion of power and ability to shape the world was truly
an illusion… that led to their own corruption and inability to alter the world,
because it very much became about their glory, and not the empowerment of people. They could not begin to see… they would not
even have the conversation that poverty was not the core issue… and I didn’t try
to have that conversation with them… I merely tried to share insight and empower them
by teaching them skills… but they were so sure they knew how to do it all, that
noone, not me or anyone else, was given the space to give to them. They saw it as a threat to their control and their
power.
One time, at the San Jose center of Landmark, a group of old est
graduates who were disillusioned… and this kind of thing has happened to me a
lot… they came to me and said, if you will lead an event, we’ll bring 2000
people to it and guarantee that every person we bring will sign up for the courses.. I was
incredibly honored… so I went to the manager of the center, who had decided to mentor
me to replace him in a year or so.. and I
told him what they said.. and his response… and the response he crusaded for with the
leaders of Landmark… was that I was not qualified to lead such an event… and
mind you, I never took it as an opportunity for power or glory, just an opportunity to do
good, and honor the will and the choice of the people… and I finally simply responded
to the leaders by saying “The work of this organization is supposed to be the
empowerment of possibility… and I’d be more than happy to say a few words at the
beginning and turn it over to someone else if you think that’s best, because
it’s not about me, it’s about these people, and honoring their faith and
commitment.” 2 weeks later,
because these people then went on to hassle the leadership, without any involvement from
me, they actually kicked me out of the organization, claiming I was rallying people to
allow me to take over their constituency. They
could not see that all I was doing was empowering them
They wouldn’t even listen. And
the opportunity, the possibility was lost. This,
despite the fact that before Werner got into trouble and left, he had personally asked to
have it arranged for me to come and live with him on his boat in Sausalito. I never met the man. He had only heard of me.
When I left Borland, it was bitter sweet… I’d had many
strange battles of wills with many people. Before
I knew who Phillippe was, I’d find myself 2 or 3 times a week in the cafeteria
sitting at his table talking to him and other executives about plans and policies… I
didn’t even know any of their names. It
just sort of always happened. I didn’t know Phillippe was the owner. I just thought he was an exec of some sort.
But when I left.. despite all the transformational confrontations I
had there… and they were quiet, not like battles or anything… just planting
seeds… more than 200 people held parties.. 6 or 7 different ones… and I felt so
honored… and I had no idea. Because I
was just doing what I do. Borland had lost
track of what I really did there, they just knew I caused an awful lot, and I always
somehow ended up being at the core of their successes. Somehow.
:} My boss, in my exit interview, kept saying how much she learned from me. I’d say, just for the fun of it, tell me a
couple things you learned… and she’d just look at me with a blank stare and
ponder the question, and then say “I don’t know”.
And all I knew is that it was time to move on. Same thing at Intuit. I was like the mascot there. The spirit. For
over a year, I would get 40-70 calls from them a day, all people just wanting a little
personal coaching… I finally took out my phone. Because
I couldn’t handle all the calls, and I couldn’t handle knowing I wasn’t
caring for them, and I couldn’t handle them feeling I was just disregarding them by
not calling back. So I just told them, if you
need to talk, you know where I live, just stop by any time, day or night. And many of them did. Anyway…
But that’s the way the world works. And it’s why people will destroy each other. They seek something, and are glad they find it,
but then, they destroy the source of comfort and goodness because they re so confronted by
something that would, at least in their own minds, be like a father figure to hold them to
the commitments they claimed.
In many ways, that’s
how I feel toward you. Can’t explain it. I’ll bet I’m not the first to have that
reaction to you. But, just like the story of
King Tut, I know something much greater is available.
I often wonder what you thought when I wrote to you… I wonder
why you would never respond to my emails and I wonder why I’m still sitting in this
house if you really believe what you seem to about the world and the future and all.. I understand I needed to go through some
things… still do… and there’s a lot of work to do.
But ultimately, my work can not be done by my self-improvement or
self-promotion to be the leader of anything. It
is truly the cultural revolution, the renaissance of the arts that will change it, because
it has to happen to people, one by one. There
are no mandates or rules that can cause the transformation… and in the day when I do rise as a leader, it will
be because people choose my leadership… they will see me as a great man, an icon,
someone like them but who genuinely cares and has the integrity not to corrupt his values
or to usurp his power… a true Camelot…
I can not enforce my message.
I will see myself as someone with a responsibility to be just. As I do now.
It is not my job to empower myself. It
is my job to empower individuals, to give them the courage and the joy and the promise of
justice and love… the hope and belief that heaven on earth is possible, so that they
will have the courage of their convictions to live it… to believe once again that
they will not be destroyed by being those things. That
is the single distinction behind the evil in the world.
So, I have to pose this inquiry to you… and I’m certainly
aware that all of this may easily be in vain… just as certainly as I know that with
little exception, the words I write are from God and not myself… I have to challenge
you and your faith to listen with an open heart and to act based on the possibilities and
limitations of your own faith in God… in
the knowledge that there was no coincidence
in our “meeting” such as it is.
Just as I know that my reactions now are all based on my
disappointment at not having the opportunity to talk to you yesterday. It’s based on how much I wanted to say how
much I love you.
And I can’t explain any of it.
Except, here I am writing this letter to you now, full well knowing that
this writing could easily be used as the proof of my delusions of grandeur and all that
kind of stuff. And this letter is not about
you and me, it’s about moving forward on this quest to transform the world. Moving
forward with all of the possibilities in the most powerful way possible.
I can think of lots of ways to prove things about my influence in the
world… like knowing that GW actually wants my advice, and that they read my stuff
daily and all that… whatever causes that doesn’t matter. It’s why I don’t look at stats, because
I don’t want to know… I need to be and do.
Lili was erratic because, in my anger, I was going to have it cross Cuba and
attack Florida… until I surrendered to the fact that everything I do must be out of
love, not anger and suffering and retribution… just
as I am willing to allow a great deal of the world to destroy itself if that’s what
it takes.
Not a good feeling at
all… just one more thing of doing whatever needs to be done to get the job done. Ultimately, no matter how many more incarnations,
I know I will still be someone who is causing the transformation required.
Understand, I know that I am not a perfect person, and I embrace my
flaws as opportunities to learn and develop, to dig deeper into myself and grow as the
being I claim to be… not a god, but a human being. Just
as I have always honored what I saw as the purpose of my life, whether anyone else
believes it or not.
Like most things, people have interpretations about the way they
believe things are supposed to be, how things are supposed to occur, they read the books
and say there is a pattern to be followed… but like Einstein said.. something like
this.. you can’t transform the world using the same methodologies and processes that
have always been employed… you have to use all the knowledge and processes and wisdom
of the past, toss them aside, and allow something new to unfold. Use them without being
bound by them.
I believe that you believe I have something to offer this world,
otherwise CNN would not be doing what it’s doing.
But the limitations of your thinking are preventing that transformation of
thought and wisdom. You think I have to do
certain things, suffer certain indignities and cause things in a certain way. I say you’re wrong. Because you view me as a normal person… just
like other people… maybe other geniuses, I don’t know. What I know is that what I have to do cannot be
accomplished through conventional thinking or methods.
I guess I want to try to conclude all of this by saying that whatever
you think of me, whatever your interpretations are how things are supposed to go, whatever
your interpretations are of how the future is altered in every moment of the day with each
action and decision…
Please understand that more than anything, I don’t care about
money or power or any of that. I don’t
know if you like my music or not, all I know is the effect it has always had on
people… that phenomenon that causes stars… I understand why it occurs and
all… but to most people, it shows up as unpredictable.
But I don’t care about all the trappings.
And my failures in life have actually occurred when I have been required to
struggle for money and power in order to continue my existence.
Sure, I like sports cars, I’d love to have a house as a base of
my work and all the same stuff everyone else would like… I am, after all, human. But please believe that I really don’t care
about those things. I’ve always told
people over the years that my music was my savings account to use when it was time…
time for what, I never knew, just when it was time. So
if you think I’m just trying to set myself up on
easy street and have a life of luxury, you’d be wrong. The Bible says that ultimately, all those things
will be given to me. And that I would use
them to do what needed to be done, I would play the roles necessary to make my message
palatable and tangible to the people… but their true value is in how it can be
applied to do good.
I just see the possibility of moving things forward much more quickly
and gracefully and eloquently than most people would imagine. My willingness to promote CNN and AOLTW was not
about making anyone rich, but in building a fortress of riches to see the project through,
to make sure it survives through whatever economic or physical wars may occur. Just as I get emails and stuff from other media
outlets almost begging me to promote them as well. The
ABC deal is a significant occurrence. But :}
on the other hand, I used to watch Peter Jennings on
KNTV 11 in San Jose, and I actually know, through other projects I’ve been involved
in, that he’s a good man too. :} Here
there and everywhere. That’s not a
threat… just an acknowledgement of the tools available.
So anyway, part of why I don’t want to empower other media is
because I’ve always been drawn to Ted Turner and Warner and AOL and Time Warner.. and
part of what I wanted to discuss with you is the intent and all of other outlets… to
determine who would be part of the coalition that causes things, and who are part of the
dangers…
So, I guess the only other thing I can say is that I will, no matter
what, write For the Love of the World… for me, the only real question is, whether
what I need to do is take the long way, because other people lack faith, or if we can do
this in a way that expresses the real love of
God, with the full possibility of the love and compassion available. Without the penalties and suffering in the world.
And, if you think that I am
weak, that my “emotionalism” is a problem, I can understand that, but then I
would have to say that you truly do not understand my nature. Like my father, like he taught me, I am capable of
being whatever it takes… whether that is compassionate or brutal is dependent on what
is required at any moment. Whatever I need to
be to get the job done.
I think it’s funny that there seems to be some perception that I
need to go through something in order to fulfill some kind of prophecy or something. The funny thing is, I had intended to be on a
plane this morning… I would have been there in about 5 hours… and I knew that it
would either be the beginning of something, or the worst personal disaster of my life. And all I wanted to do is talk to you for a few
minutes first, just so I’d know what to prepare for… good or bad…
Anyway… I wish I could explain it, but I love you deeply, and
you and I have something to do in this world… and in this current timeline, it
requires us both… maybe another timeline will emerge… at this moment, I’m
scheduled to be homeless in about 2-3 weeks, and I’m not afraid of that, except I
have no intention of doing that in New York City…
but I also know it would greatly detract from what is possible.
In the spirit of what
I’ve said about how my job is to empower, not control, I’m putting it in your
hands at this moment. I’ve already said
what tools I believe I need and all… and even more is possible.. and I have no idea
what will occur or how it will occur, except that whatever happens is exactly what needs
to happen. And I accept that. Always have.
But I know this, I am not willing to suffer at the hands of other
peoples expectations and interpretations of how things are supposed to be… and I know that how the transformation will occur
will be based on other people’s faith and willingness to surrender to God. Just as we all have the ability to fly… the
danger… the part that allows gravity to win, is the momentary doubt and unwillingness
to take action…
So, finally, and I’m sorry this took so many words… but
I’m just typing what I’m told to type as fast as I can… I don’t care
if I end up being a leader or just a silent partner… but I’m going to leave the
next timeline up to you and your faith now… and accept whatever occurs. In case
you’ve lost it, my number is xxxxxxxxxx… do what you have to do to get through
when you call.. but I’m done with working with you and CNN in the capacity of trying
to force things… we either become real partners or we don’t…I just have to
move to the next step, whatever it is. And I’ll repeat, all I need is food and
shelter and tools… I don’t care about a paycheck… and you might think this
all creates some sort of burden… you might think that it’s to make you feel
guilty or responsible… it’s not. It’s
just a request that you do whatever you think is appropriate and possible. And whatever happens is fine. It’s a possible empowerment. And, I suppose,
a hope for me, that I can be assisted.
I won’t use any gifts available to me by God to cause my own
wealth… just as I refused years ago to use psychic stuff to gain personal
advantage… and I won’t now either. See, in my world, I could just cause you to
do whatever I want :} I just know that
whatever occurs for me next, or for you next, or for the world, people have to choose it. And that’s the only thing that is important. That’s all God wanted… was to give
people a change to choose him, with the hope that they would, and the willingness to be
rejected.
Really, whatever happens, happens, and I love you deeply and always
will.
-- Chuck
As I’ve said before,
