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For the Love of the World
Index

The Imperfection of My Being

2/7/2009


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One night, before reading the Bible, I was thinking about some of the things that have happened to me, that people have done on purpose, and I began wondering why they considered me to be a fool and naive for believing they were honorable people before discovering they were deceiving me and committing crimes against me.

I thought, isn't it a shame that the world is such that I constantly have to be suspicious of people and assume they should be suspect, when it used to be you could usually take people at their word?

Universal Church of the Kingdom of God Judds - Grampa Tell Me Bout The Good Old Days

I wondered, how is it that people have come to accept this "turn-around" of what we call normal and common decency?

And what would it take to cause people to see that the slow but sure influences of  people who benefit from people's natural and normal desire for a better life, that  have caused them to lower their bar of what's acceptable in the face of their standards of life... values and beliefs and leaders you choose who you would not want to be role models for your children.

I decided, at one point, to conclude that to me,

a friend is a person who won't take advantage of you even when they have the opportunity....

It didn't matter to me who they were, what they were doing, what they did for a living or what they knew. I figured if I could count on them to honor and fulfill that definition, even just most of the time, then they were people I would want to call my friend.

And I realized that in my life, I've had many, many friendly people I've been acquainted with, but few I would call actual friends.

I have a friend in Santa Cruz who some people might call irresponsible and maybe, who never grew up. It seems he was destined to go to the Russian Olympics as a skater, and worked for years to be amongst the best, and then we boycotted the Olympics. People say he was never the same after that.  One day, I asked him to give a couple hundred dollars to my nephew, and he told me he appreciated my confidence, but that in the future, not to trust him with large sums of money, because he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't be too tempted and steal it, and he just didn't want to take the chance of doing that to me.

I liked him and his art before. I respected him greatly after that. While some may look down on him for a variety of reasons, I think he's an outstanding father, positively affected the many "younger" people who hung out with him and followed his lead in being active in sports of all kinds, and it was just beautiful, it was like he was at his best, truly being, when he was working, caring for disabled people in a home in Scotts Valley, California.

So I "randomly" opened my Bible, the way I always do when asking God to cause me to select the page He wants me to read... of course, this was before I was keeping track of the verses I was reading...

It was a part of a story where Jesus had been talking to people all day, and someone walked up to Him, it may have been Philip, and He said something like "What a relief. I'm so glad to see someone of the 12 tribes, a true Jew, without guile".

I felt relieved. Without guile. People who don't scheme or lie to deceive or rob. People who don't purposely mess things up, do things that harm other people's lives. You know, the kind of people described as the remnant, the 144,000 who will inevitably lead the world with honesty and justice, and true inherent and expressed knowledge of the Golden Rule.

I felt relieved because I thought, I'm like that. I'm not naive or stupid or any of those things. I just try to keep my word and treat other people with the same respect and honesty that I expect of them.

It doesn't get more basic than that in what is supposed to be a civil society.

My relief was in coming to the conclusion that if that was okay with Jesus, to be "without guile", if that was what might have been the description of the meek who would "inherit" the earth, then it sounded like I was on the right track.

And if people wanted to make fun of me for being that way, then I didn't have to like it, but at the same time, I could be proud of myself for sticking to my values, and being the way I believed God would have a Christian be.

Not a religious person, but a Christian.

Thinking of that sort of thing reminds me a little of how I was going to be a cub scout. I was ready. I had the handbook, the belt, the scarf, the outfit... my mom had been a den mother for  a few years before in Palo Alto, so I was ready. I had the pledge down, and completely understood it and took it seriously.

The day I was supposed to go to my first meeting, the boy who's mom was the den mother was swearing, and I asked if it wasn't true that scouts weren't supposed to swear?  That night, instead of making sure I caught a ride home with him for the meeting, he ditched me. I always thought it was weird. And, laughing about it, that when I was a kid I was so straight, they wouldn't even let me become a Boy Scout :}

And it's weird because it wasn't like I never heard swearing before. It wasn't so much that I personally objected to it. And it wasn't about judging anyone. It was that I agreed to join a "club" that said you agreed not to do it, and since I was asking permission to join the club, I was agreeing to their rules and I intended to honor the agreement. Being from a big family, maybe I just assumed it also meant reminding other people to keep their agreement, as a friend. To be a better "scout" like the "model" they wanted us to follow.

To do my best, to do my duty for God and my country...

Universal Church of the Kingdom of God Paul McCartney - Memory Almost Full - 10 - Feet in the Clouds

It occurs to me in this moment that being that way was not something I thought of as being discourteous or righteous, but was very much like how my father ran our house. The way we lived at home, in what I jokingly have referred to as a "Leave It To Beaver" life before the death of my father. Maybe there was a little bit of "Lassie" and "The Rifleman" mixed in. But, cliches like this were common in conversation, and and on little placards on the wall of his workshop:

If you make a mistake, tell the person responsible so that it doesn't make things worse.

Do the right thing, even if it isn't the best thing for yourself

There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it again.

And then, when talking politics, he'd add "...except in a Democracy".

One that was impressed upon us kids, especially when we were caught doing something or were suspected of something, he'd say "Don't lie, it'll only make things worse"

The rights of one are as important as the rights of the many

In that kind of environment, you might say that I might end up with a pretty judgmental outlook on things.

The truth is, I would view other people's actions and lifestyles, sort of observe them and find it interesting to see their way of thinking, and enjoy everyone I could without getting involved in things I didn't like or approve of.

I remember thinking sometimes that people were doing bad things, but I rarely remember believing people were bad people down inside, and once my anger wore off for whatever reason I was angry, I would just wonder what would make it justifiable to them to act in harmful ways when acting as friends would have been more productive in the long run?

Because, I always believed, despite how people may present themselves, they know in their minds when they're doing things that are unethical or wrong, illegal or not.

People inherently know the difference between right or wrong. It really is true.

People know the truth about themselves, and they really do think they know what they'll have to "answer" to God for.

The Bible says that whatever you hold against another person in this world will be held against you in judgment in heaven. Like, you have to forgive everyone. What if it also meant, whatever you withhold or hold back regarding crimes against humanity and rights about someone else will be held against you, because even in man's law, those who do not report such crimes are guilty of the crimes themselves for not stopping them. It's another reason the Son of Man's primary responsibility is to inform the evil-doers of the need to stop, or the blood of their crimes would be on my hands.

When you think about that, you start thinking about how if someone does something to you, you have to find a way to forgive  them. Deceivers would manipulate you with this knowledge by trying to convince you that if you forgive someone, as in the message of Jesus to love thy enemy.... then you would not seek justice, because you are not justified in the law.

They think they are, but they want you to not be.

Condemn the sin, not the sinner.

Leviticus 26:3 If ye walk in my statutes, and keep my commandments, and do them;

4: Then I will give you rain in due season, and the land shall yield her increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit.

40: If they shall confess their iniquity, and the iniquity of their fathers, with their trespass which they trespassed against me, and that they have also walked contrary unto me;

41: And that I also have walked contrary unto them, and have brought them into the land of their enemies; if then their uncircumcised hearts be humbled, and they then accept the punishment of their iniquity:

42: Then will I remember my covenant with Jacob, and also my covenant with Isaac, and also my covenant with Abraham will I remember; and I will remember the land.

All those things considered, I have to admit to you that when I wrote the previous chapter, "The Perfection of My Being", I was joking around. I don't consider myself to be perfect at all. But I like myself. I hope you can see why both things would be important considerations for yourself as well.

I admit that at one point, I realized I had high standards - for myself - and in that realization, recognized that while I did certain things well, other people did other things better than me. Therefore, for me to apply the standards I had for myself in areas of my interest and concern would be unfair to other people who more focused on the kinds of things I wasn't focused on.

So I decided what was important is simply me conducting myself in ways that I believed were true to my own values. And I strayed sometimes.

But I realized I really did have high standards for myself, in terms of work ethic, craftsmanship, justice and fairness, value, morals and more. I also realized that people all around me were doing things, in their personal lives and their work lives and all, that was personified by someone in Los Angeles I really  liked working with.

One day, I mentioned there was some work not getting done, material not getting in the magazine, because the collection process had a "gap" in it that let it slide through the cracks. She just said she wasn't going to worry about it because it wasn't her responsibility.

It wasn't my responsibility either. The whole problem was, it wasn't anyone's actual responsibility. But it still needed to get done.

I started noticing, that was people's approach to lots of things.

A couple of years ago, while doing some excavating and utilities excavation for a house, the workers were all talking about the world today, and I asked one of them, "You have kids, what are you going to do to make it better?"

He said "I'm not going to  worry about it. I'm going to let them figure it out."

Back in the 60's and 70's, people would ask "What kind of world are you leaving for your children?"

Universal Church of the Kingdom of God Cat Stevens/Yusef Islam - Where Do The Children Play

I think that it's funny that some ministers who have sold out to politics - apostates giving in to humanistics - would have you believe that a bunch of old hippies are trying to sell you some old, crazy ideas. What's crazy about the song above?

And I was never a hippie, nor was Pres. Dwight D. Eisenhower when he warned us about the Military Industrial Complex.

There were a number of things I was just a bit too young to understand at the time they were first delivered.

When I think of what the man said about leaving the world's problems to his kids to worry about, I fully understand what the word apathy means.

When I see the economic crisis, I understand the harm of usury and the ways of economic enslavement.

Like many people, I always see the government first with the eyes of someone who believes that there is corruption in any organization or government, but that the intent of those institutions is generally honorable and productive. A presumption of innocence.

And then the facts quickly reverse the opinions you hold when you believed the "truth" of the reality promoted by the national media.

The point of all of this, actually, is to say that long ago, I realized I was right to hold myself to my own values, and to not allow certain inalienable rights to be stripped of others in my presence, as well as to honor every person with the dignity and respect they deserved.

At a certain point, I think in my early 20's, I decided, being the perfectionist that I was, acknowledging I was far from perfect, I decided to become a "reformed-perfectionist", giving myself room to make mistakes, even when I hurt other people's feelings, because the world did not require me to be perfect, other people weren't perfect, so why I should be?

Slowly, but surely, frankly, I became a little bored, because there was no real challenge because the quality required in work and in society seemed to have dwindled to a point where - well, I actually showed up in a pair of old, tattered blue jeans, not having shaved for days one time to some clients' offices just wondering what they'd do, to see if anyone objected. Of course, I always got my job done.

But I was a little dismayed that none of them said a single word as if a little more professionalism or decorum would be appropriate. In fact, they thought it was amusing that their "eccentric" programmer showed up like that... you know, he's a little eccentric, but he's good at what he does kind of guy, who wasn't trying to be that way and doesn't even know why people perceived me that way, because I dressed conservative business casual. It was just too easy. They called me "the wiz" from Woodinville.

Anyway, I gave myself permission to make mistakes sometimes. And learned what a relief it is to know you don't have to be perfect to be  okay, even when you don't even realize you're trying to be perfect.

Universal Church of the Kingdom of God Alanis Morissette - Perfect

At the same time, it still wasn't okay with me to make the same mistakes over and over. And I'd still wonder from time to time if I was going to hell for doing things I'd done. I have to admit there are some things I do that I don't want to give up that, as a purist, I might need to give up to be perfect. At least in other people's eyes. There are some things I do that some people might consider sin but I don't. I might say the same about them.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'd want you to accept the perfection of the imperfection of my being in order too feel less pressure to act like whatever perfect would mean to anyone I come into contact with.

Most of the time, I realize that my being, my imperfection of being but not of spirit, a man with a history like most other people, that includes the results and consequences of good and bad choices that I made and that other people made about me, makes me perfect to God.

It makes me perfect because He knows I intend no harm, and have no malice. To Him, I am perfect because despite the imperfections of my body, He has blessed me with gifts and promises that make me more than able to serve Him and succeed for Him and have a great personal life.

It makes me perfect, in bringing judgment to the world, to have experienced the knowledge of guilt and intent, to know the suffering of being a victim and of what can happen when you withdraw from the world you meant to play a part in, according to God's plan. It's all in Hebrews.

And to wonder what would happen if what I felt so absolutely certain I was supposed to do something... what would happen if I didn't even try.

It makes me perfect in the knowledge that at this time I am allowing Him to guide my life, as He has always done since my "vision" as a child", since my "deal with God",  since evidence of tricks and traps in my life from which I always pray to Him to provide as He promised, and how I'd always found a way to land on my feet...

Almost a year ago, I received a message saying "I would be made an example of". I feared that meant that the people "containing" me would do something I hadn't experienced yet, something that would put me on public display somehow, as opposed to being able to conduct discussions with people...

It didn't even occur to me that maybe I was being reminded how when I was in 4th or 5th grade, after my "vision", I "received" a message that I would be made an example of.  I was baffled by it then, and still wonder what that will ultimately mean.

But it also makes me perfect to Him as a vessel and as a messenger that forgiveness is absolute when reconciled, and when you can separate the sin from the sinner, obey the laws of the land and the laws of God, the latter being more important, and there is a difference sometimes... in these times.

Because as a human being, becoming more and more cognizant of what spirits are within me, it makes me even more aware and appreciative of what we all have to go to, how easy it is to fall into the tricks and traps and temptations of this world, and if nothing else, how it's not that it's okay that we fail in being perfect, it's that what God knows, the truth God knows, is our intent. And our willingness to act in accordance with our intent as much as we possibly can.

I know other people feel the same way about what they have been "called" to do.  Maybe we don't know the shape or form of what needs to happen and "become" in order to fully establish the Kingdom of God.

Sometimes, I think about how children learn from trial and error. Sometimes, if people were perfect, people wouldn't try certain things and learn that they are wrong, not as a moral judgment, but as an unworkable means to accomplish a particular goal.

Maybe imperfection IS perfection constantly being adjusted in the individual and collective cosmos that is ever-changing as the cosmos itself evolves to higher levels of understanding that bring it into full-balance with all spirits and beings and self-sustaining means.

And it will most definitely cause the merging of being with the intent of spirit.

While there is a difference between right and wrong, it's important that we all keep our hearts open and our righteousness and judgmentalism in check with the knowledge that God loves all, all beings and spirits and creatures, in any form or presentation, with all ideas and spiritualities and faiths.

If your heart is open and you think about it just a little, you'll realize that you do too. That's the spirit in God in you, if you allow it to speak to you.

The government has told you that radical Islamists threaten peace. Do you really want to kill them, or would you prefer to live in a world where people did not resort to terrorism?

Universal Church of the Kingdom of God Carole King - Only Love Is Real

All in all, what you realize, when you understand, let alone live the example of Christ Jesus, is that God created all things with love and that differences between people and others is often the righteousness, judgmentalism and desire for control - good or bad - that is created by people causing evil, and not a reflection of the true desires and values of the citizens, God's children who deserve to be treated better than the current world powers treat them.

There is ALWAYS cause and effect. There is always equal and opposite reaction. There are always two sides to each story, and if you don't hear both sides, be cautious of believing the side you hear without further investigation when dealing with news of world affairs. There's too much money involved for the truth to be known, and you wouldn't approve of what's going on if you knew the truth of what the government and certain corporations are doing.

Perfection is actually measured in intent, what's in your heart, the spirit your being represents in this world of its own circumstances, whatever they are, whatever that means to you. That's what God understands most, and considers in His judgment.

In my mind, in that respect, I believe I am perfect in God's eyes.

I hope you will come to the same conclusion about yourself.

And then you will understand why it's okay to be who you really are, that person inside of you you don't quite know if you believe could actually exist and do what you want to do, because that's the person God intended you to be.

It's the perfect you that God wants and needs you to be.

Universal Church of the Kingdom of God Eddie Money - Eddie Money - Super Hits - 07 - Walk on Water

 

 

 

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